Compiled Edits
Paula said this fox was cute and I had to use it. Even though it has a necklace. Maybe this fox is Paula, being my editor?
When I published my letter to those in and out of Vista Church and the Network, one thing I knew was that there were likely edits that needed made. It’s a huge number of words, and I agree with something oft said about pastors’ sermons: you can’t say that many words without saying something you wish’d said differently. I attempted to make it clear, but in some cases additional clarity was needed. Some cases required corrections, and others required apologies. In some cases I just added a link.
However, noting each and every edit, inline with the text, was said to inhibit the flow of the letter. On the other hand, I am committed to transparency and accountability. Therefore, to aid readers who are just reading the letter now, I have removed the “Edit” notes from the original, so that it now represents the current edited version. Wherever an edit is made, I have included the tag “[Edited]”, and have linked to this page.
This page will be continually updated with any additional clarifications, and the dates made, so that it is easy for anyone to see any new edits. I will not be publishing additional posts about edits unless I am making a truly substantive change.
Edits are named by their section for ease of reference. They are also organized by date range.
Original through December 16th, 2021
Hope and Love: Added specific names of those who spoke about their stories by name, and linked to their stories.
Actions I took —> Reporting Abuse: A previous version said “specifically using the words ‘I am a victim of spiritual abuse.’” As I said at the top of this letter, most conversations described here have no recording, so each quote is my best recollection. I can’t be sure that I used those exact words, and that confused my earlier disclaimer. I also updated to “I reported that I believed that I was”, whereas the original stated that “I reported that I was…” Again, I think I did state it more strongly, but can’t be sure, and there was a lot of confusion at the time. Finally, I added the words “at least not enough to take action”, to be clear that he didn’t categorically refute my entire story. I apologize to that leader and the reader.
Leaders: Please Receive Grace:
Originally there were quotes around “goes away sad” - that’s not the exact language from the ESV, so I’ve removed the quotes. The actual language from Luke 18 shows that he “became very sad”, and then there is no mention of him again in that passage. I also called him “young”, which conflated this story with the rich young man described in Matthew 19. I apologize for the errors.
For clarity, I received a question of whether “Sundar” above was actually Sándor. It is not - Sundar is an elder at Vista Church. I had minimal interactions with him in which he functioned as my leader, and so I have not included his last name.
My Experience of Abuse: Originally this said “Being told not to pursue theology contributed…” As mentioned earlier, Luke said I could pursue it in limited circumstances. I also had known for years that agreement was expected on many theological areas, so I had not looked into them. I’ve updated the language to “I believe that being discouraged from deeply pursuing theology contributed…”. Also, the word “contributed” is carefully chosen. There were absolutely other factors, and psychology is hard - it’s difficult to say in what way and amount these added up, and so I’ve added the words “I believe,” to reflect the uncertainty. The main point of this paragraph is not where the responsibility for the depression lies, but how Luke dealt with my struggles. I regret the certainty with which this was originally stated and apologize.
Additional Edit: The apology is specifically for the “told not to” language, which was an overstatement.
Example Hostile Responses —> “That’s hard! You can’t say that!”: A previous version used a paraphrase (“passage we have found most persuasive in this time.”) rather than the exact quote here. Also updated to “a day or two before” rather than “the day before” - I forgot they sent it to the small group leaders one day, and then the church the following day. They told me they’d found it either the day they sent it to the small group leaders or the day before. I regret the lack of clarity.
Public Examples of Spiritual Abuse —>
Implying those who leave aren’t Christian: For clarity: I’ve changed “everyone else is ‘wrong’” to “others are not as good. I did hear Sándor praise another church in his town once, and would hear Luke affirm that other churches are Christian. I didn’t want to leave language here that would imply that they said they were the only Christian church or that they universally spoke ill of other churches.
More information control: This previously stated that there was “no transparency about that either,” which was ambiguous as to what “that” was. I’ve updated to clarify that it was about the reasons. I’ve also changed “no transparency” to “limited transparency.” There was some information given, but based on the information on the Leaving the Network site, it was not the full story. I regret the lack of careless overstatement.
Publicly criticizing family: I changed “In one case, I remember Steve” to “In that case” - I cannot recall if there were other similar stories. The correction matches the singular language of the previous sentence. I regret any implication of additional stories, which was not my intent, and apologize to readers and to Steve. I also added the explanatory notes starting with “I can imagine…” and ending with “I would have been upset".” The rest is original.
Crude Speech: I added the explanatory notes starting with “This is not necessarily…” and including the remainder of the paragraph.
Lacking involvement of women: A previous version attributed this teaching to Scott Joseph, another pastor - I regret the error. I’ve clarified that exceptions exist in the case of staff members or those leading women’s small groups. I regret not including that exception initially and apologize. I’ve also changed “stated” to “documented, structured” for clarity. Finally, I also changed “even as the church” to “even as his church” to make it clear that it was Tony’s church that was changing, not Vista. I have also linked to the sources page on the LTN site.
Demands for unfliching loyalty (re: diagram): The original version said “A diagram showing loyalty is the highest form of maturity in someone in the network.” It is difficult to summarize a diagram, but I’ve updated it to clarify the scope of it being relationships (though to be clear, relationship is paramount in the church, So I would think that the top thing in relationships is considered at least a high point of maturity). Regardless, I regret the wording I used and apologize. My summary implied more meaning than is communicated in that document., and that’s not fair. Again, I encourage you to read the original document for yourself.
What should you do?
Leaders: Someone pointed out that I had not made it clear that I have forgiven the leaders. In keeping with “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,” (Matthew 6:12) and avoiding becoming the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35). This paragraph is added to address the helpful feedback given.
Those in the network: I added everything after “Abuse is no small matter in Jesus’ church.” I want to be extra cautious about affirming that I have no authority.
Those with feedback: I added the ask for grace.
I also added links to sources where they exist.