False Attacks: My Response
I wanted to address the false attacks on my marriage and my character that occurred this week.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jeff Irwin, and I am a survivor of Steve Morgan’s Network of churches, which is simply known as “The Network”. In over nine years in The Network, I attended Blue Sky Church in Bellevue, Washington and helped plant Vista Church in San Luis Obispo, California. I run this blog, notovercome.org, and I go by the user name HopeOnGrace on both twitter and reddit. I use these forums to speak out about the spiritual abuse in The Network. I invite you to read my public letter for additional context if you have not already.
This is all written in my voice. My wife is of course welcome to post her own thoughts, but she has stayed much quieter in all of this and I want to respect that and I ask that you do the same. The fact that the fake posts dragged her into this is quite upsetting to me.
Finally, if you’re expecting an angry tirade, this isn’t going to be that. There’s no healing there, as cathartic as it might be in the moment. I mourn over what must be true about the person who did this. I want them to experience grace. I hope they will reach out and apologize personally so that I can tell them of the forgiveness I’ve given them. I hope they will apologize publicly as well to repair the damage they’ve done and reduce the threat of intimidation on those who would speak out.
False Attacks
On April 8th, I was made aware that an Instagram account called “leavingthenetwork”, which was unaffiliated with leavingthenetwork.org. The account was private, but someone I know was accepted as a follower and sent me a screenshot of the one and only post on it. The post was my wife and I’s Facebook profile photo and included the caption “Trump Supporter #MAGA”.
I spoke with someone involved in the leavingthenetwork.org page and they said that they didn’t want to post about it yet because they wanted to see what else the Instagram account would post. I agreed.
Yesterday morning, I found out that they had posted three new posts. The first two were fake screenshots of text threads showing me harassing women and trying to enter an affair. The third is a threat of more to come. Later in the day they put up a third fake screenshot of me trying to have an affair. The original two screenshots misspelled my last name. Later in the day they deleted those and then reposted with my name spelled correctly. They also claimed to have hacked my gmail (which I don’t use) and messages, even though the text threads are clearly from the point of view of whoever I was said to have been messaging, not me. They also made the account public sometime recently, including earlier yesterday, and then made it private again. Finally, today they posted a confusing post which seems to (maybe?) just cast doubt on the veracity of claims being made. I have included screenshots of all of these posts at the end of this blog post, having received screenshots from multiple individuals as well.
In case it’s not clear, let me say it as clear as I can: these are fakes. These are lies. These are false. I have never attempted to have an affair or harass women.
The Effect
I’d like you to imagine for a moment – what it’s like to find one day that there is a photo of you and your wife posted on Instagram, along with allegations that you’ve attempted to have affairs, and threatening more to come. We’re in the process of moving, and right now I’m in the LA area while my wife is up in San Luis Obispo. Imagine having to call her to tell her what’s happened. Imagine having to ask her if your son is around to make sure he doesn’t hear what you’re about to tell her. If you’re wondering why my son was home, it’s because he had COVID this week. Imagine things happening in your life such that you feel the need to write publicly the words that I am writing.
There’s a threat of more to come. What will they photoshop next? Will it be more convincing? Whoever is willing to do this is willing to lie – what other lies will they tell? What do I need to worry about next? I am thankful that this particular effort was so obviously fake as to be almost comical – my wife literally laughed when I told her what was happening.
Or are they just trying to make everyone doubt the veracity of evidence of any kind? Are they trying to intimidate other leavers from sharing the truth about what happened to them?
Yes, I have felt anger, sadness, confusion, and many other emotions over the last two days, as you all can imagine. I struggled to eat yesterday and had an awful tension headache today, even though everything feels surreal and to the outside observer I might even appear as though nothing is wrong. Unfortunately, one thing I practiced a lot in The Network was dissociating from my emotions, ignoring them.
But I’ve also tried to remind myself that a real person did this, not some bot. Someone used their hands and mind to create these fake screenshots. They posted on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of this week, so this is a sustained effort. That adds to my dismay, knowing this isn’t some angry outburst. My wife is presently quite upset about us being attacked this way., and that only adds more to my anger. But as you will see, I don’t wish to respond in kind. I want to respond with as much grace as I can muster, because these are all behaviors of someone who I feel so much sorrow for. I want to try to find compassion and empathy for whoever this was.
Perhaps I’m a sucker for a speech by Matt Santos of the West Wing (yes, the situation he was addressing was a whole other level of awful and involved race and death - I am not likening this to that). Or, I hope, this is just a step toward doing what Jesus told us to do when he said to love even our enemies, though I continue to be uncomfortable using the word “enemies” to describe anyone in this situation, despite knowing the vast number of those harmed, especially not knowing who is behind this.
For the moment, I have reported the account to Instagram. I do intend to investigate my legal options, but I very much hope that I don’t need use any of them. As Jesus says in Matthew 5, when you’ve wronged someone, go and reconcile with them before they bring you before the judge. I don’t want to take anyone to court. My DM’s are open on Instagram and Twitter, and I hope whoever it is will contact me to apologize, and then do so publicly. But given that they are involving my family, I need to ensure our safety. I also care about ensuring the safety of anyone else who speaks out, so that this act does not have a chilling effect on the courageous truth-tellers who are sharing about the harm they’ve experienced.
Anonymity in attacks
In my writing about the network, I have attempted to be careful with every single word to ensure it’s accurate. I further consider each topic I write about to determine if it’s necessary. Does it add to the conversation? Does it show evidence of anything important? Everyone does embarrassing things. Everyone sins. I refuse to share things that are just mudslinging. I refuse to share anything that is false. On the occasions where I said something that warranted it, I have posted corrections and, where necessary, apologies.
Everyone sins. 1 John 1:5-10 is helpful, and it begins:
“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
I believe in living in the light. I believe the light is where we find Christ, and the light is where we find greater love and freedom from sin. Since going public over four months ago, every single word I’ve spoken publicly has had my name or a known account attached to it. All of it. I don’t use alternate accounts. I don’t hide. I invite and welcome the accountability that comes with that. If I am a liar, God himself, and if necessary, the governing authorities, will hold me to account for that.
I fully respect those who choose to keep their anonymity. I understand that you may be afraid. That you may be intimidated even by what happened this week. I respect that and affirm your agency in choosing that for you and your families.
But I want to say everything I’m saying in the light. I want it to be my voice. And I’ve said what I’ve said publicly. I’ve answered questions privately, but have shared little beyond what I’ve already shared publicly. Some of what I haven’t said publicly just takes time to write, and some of it involves people or stories that I don’t feel like deserve to be called out publicly – I want to show more grace than that.
Who did it?
I don’t know why someone chose to do what they did on Instagram yesterday. Whoever you are, I forgive you. But my heart is heavy as I consider all the reasons they might have done it. What has to have happened in someone’s life to cause them to publicly lie and attack someone else’s character and marriage. Are they afraid? Are they insecure? Are they confused? Were they threatened or coerced into it? Do they need help from a friend or therapist, and haven’t been able to get it? Were they a “leaver” who is using the same “ends justify the means” rationale that the network leaders seem to use? In what ways is this person hurting? And how will that happen? Do they have someone in their life that really loves them? That could give them a hug today and say “It’s ok. It’s ok.” That could just sit and cry with them at whatever is happening? And then help them find a path forward? I hope they do. And if they want to have a zoom call with me to apologize and cry over forgiveness, I’m here. As Angelica sings in Hamilton*, forgiveness results in “moments that the words don’t reach, there’s a grace too powerful to name.” And the tragic thing about The Network is that it doesn’t get to happen nearly often enough.
“And Then”
Rachel Held Evans was a Christian author who tragically passed away in 2019. In her book, Inspired, about learning to see the beauty of the Bible, she highlights a feature of Hebrew grammar that she says roughly translates to “and then”. It’s what keeps a story moving. It’s what ties the thing before to the thing after.
I don’t know what happens next in our story.
All I know is that we’re living in yet another “and then”. I keep hoping on the grace of Christ that on the next turn of the page we will find broken hearts, humbled before God. “and then”, we will see repentance and reconciliation and all the tears and joy that go with that. “and then” we’ll see those who have been mistreated restored. “and then”, we’ll see healing. “and then” we’ll see flourishing. “and then” we will all have a story of when a group of people said “no” to continuing to harm people and “yes” to the grace of Christ. “and then”, we’ll tell it to the next generation and it will give some young man or woman a bit more hope on some tough Friday when something awful happens to them.
Closing
I want to thank those of you who, without flinching, defended my character on the r/leavingthenetwork subreddit. Those of you who reached out personally were a great comfort on what could have been an awful day. I won’t soon forget your kindness.
I want to say to each of you: I’m for you and I believe Christ is as well. I yearn for the day when “and then” I will hang up my keyboard, hopefully surrounded by some reconciled friends (and those who stayed with me the whole time) who can tell me “It’s over. You can rest now, Jeff. Your friends are safe.”
I yearn for justice for each one of you. For every truth teller out there who still has not gotten a response or apology from The Network.
I long for freedom for those in The Network. I hope for you to truly follow Christ unshackled and to experience His love unabated.
I am still hoping on the grace of Christ. The light of Christ is still not overcome.
Love you all.
-Jeff Irwin
Post-Script: Screenshots
Below are screenshots that have been captured from the fake leavingthenetwork account. Please note that I have received them from multiple sources, and am showing cropped versions here simply to make them easier to read. For legal purposes, I have retained the originals that more clearly show surrounding context.
I’ve also heavily watermarked them so that they don’t end up getting distributed and confused as being real.
Original - April 8th, 2022
The photo used is my public Facebook Profile photo. I’ve thought about what to say about the caption. But I’ve stayed away from politics in this space so far, and don’t see any reason they should get me to break that. Perhaps at some point I will have thoughts to share, but not today.
Late April 20, 2022.
The first two fake screenshots went up late on April 20th, 2022. The first is tagged with a location of “New York, New York”, the remainder are not. In these first two, my last name is misspelled.
Early April 21, 2021
Here they add some notes, and seemingly a threat. It’s worth noting that they claim my gmail and messenger are compromised, though the above screenshots are all from the point of view of whoever it is that I was supposedly messaging with - not me. It should also be noted that I don’t primarily use gmail and haven’t for years.
Later April 21, 2022
Here, they correct the spelling of my name, and add a third fake screenshot.
April 22, 2022
On Friday, April 22nd, they posted the following. This behavior is incredibly similar to the behavior of “John Piper” in his Google Reviews previously on Vista Church. It seems to kind of laugh it all off and maybe claim to be an outsider? I have left the watermark off of this one since it doesn’t claim to be spreading misinformation about me. Still, I am upset at it attacking “the others”. It also seems to claim “being one of the frequent posters on the subreddit”? Or claims that I am?
Will continue to add more here as appropriate.
Post-Post Script
Here I will keep track of my efforts to call attention to this and interact with whoever is behind this.
On Thursday night (4/21), I posted something on Reddit titled “I’m Still Here.” This was my first post in which I stated the false nature of the claims, “For now, just in case it actually needs said: it’s all lies. It is bearing false witness. It is an attack on me, my wife, and my family.
On Friday night (4/22), I posted this blog post, along with a corresponding reddit post and tweet.
On Sunday (4/23), I attempted to follow the “leavingthenetwork” account on Instagram for the purposes of messaging them to ask them with the link to this. I cannot message them if they do not allow it.
*I am well aware that in this song, Eliza is forgiving Alexander for, among other things, an affair. Please read nothing into that - I just love this line from it, applied to all situations in which grace and forgiveness are needed and wasn’t willing to let its context keep me from referencing it. I initially posted this blog post with the name “Forgiveness: A Grace Too Powerful to Name” (a title I still prefer to the one I ended up with) but was worried that people would immediately connect the two and assume this was a confession without reading it, which it is not.